I got this e-mail recently.
Even my insurance company thinks I'm fat. I mean, true, the skinnier and healthier I am, the less they have to pay to take care of my fat ass - you know, pesky medical bills associated with stroke, heart attack, large FUPA, etc. - so it could totally be a selfishly motivated e-mail.
But still, damn. I get it, universe. Stop eating candy at work. Stop eating wings at football games. Stop eating pizza on pub crawls. And for Christ's sake. Stop. drinking. so. much. In my defense, I haven't had a burger in months. Well, maybe like uh month.
Mmmmmm burger. Lunch time!
REMEMBER: BESSIE SMITH
12 minutes ago