Employed at last

The title of this blog speaks for itself. Yes, I am now employed. I got offered a full-time position as a research editor at a magazine company in New York today. Two months of interning there, and I guess I proved myself. Before that, two months of interning at a different magazine's web site. Before that, six months of interning at a major magazine in the South. Prior to that, two months of interning at a small magazine in the South. And before that, two months of interning at another major national magazine in the South. What is that? Like 14 months? Over a year of being an intern. Plus however many hours I put in at The Daily Mississippian. Good lawd. I think it's safe to say I earned it.

New York. Real life. Being a grownup. Money. Benefits. Being an independent woman for the first time in my life. I mean, LBO; I have always been a feminist and lived a pretend-independent life for years. And as far as my mindset goes, I have always been independent, but to be completely financially independent as a 23-year-old female in New York - that's what I've worked toward for the past, I dunno, 19 years. Yeah, I started doing math workbooks for fun when I was like 4, so suck it.

Fuck yes. In other life news, I got back together with A. I know, whatever. I realized I can't live without him, and once you realize that about someone, you may as well stop fighting it, because it's not gonna change anytime soon. Better to embrace it with open arms. Or, as I did, get on a bus to DC late on a Saturday night after happy hour and profess your love. Better to do these sorts of things in person.

I start my new job Monday. Until then, I am, as always,

Majorly yours.

Devolution

I'm not sure if that's even a word, but whatevz. I was just reading back through some of my recent blog posts, and I had the bizarre sense that I was an outsider looking in on my own life. I'm left asking myself questions that I should, in theory, know the answers to: What happened? How do you have so much love in your life, and so much happiness, and then a month later, it's gone? And because of your own decisions? It's not like someone left me or did anything shitty to hurt me. Actually I find things like that much easier to deal with, because I have a low tolerance for being treated like shit, and a honed ability to cut assholes out of my life. (Read: second boyfriend.) If A had done something shitty, like cheat on me or lie or something, it would be much easier to deal with this pain. But he didn't. He didn't even leave. I left. What the fuck?

And it's not just that. It's everything in my life. I mean maybe I am just having an off day, which people of course do have, but work has just sucked and I'm beginning to feel restless again and like I am meant for something much greater. I hate to sound like a spoiled bitch - because, hey, at least I am getting paid, which in the magazine industry is supposed to be a fucking godsend - but I want something more. I'm trying to be patient, but now that I'm alone and have nothing to hold me back (and, necessarily, also nothing to look forward to) I have adopted a FTW attitude and basically I'm ready to lose my shit. Not like in an angry way, just in an out-of-control, party girl way.

I mean, if I can't do it now, when am I going to do it?

Thusly, this summer will be spent partying and losing control and not giving a shit about anything, because I have no reason to anymore. And if that doesn't work out for me, and if I don't have a real job by July/August, I'm going to Europe for like a month. I have always wanted to go, and this might be the one time in my life when I literally have nothing tying me down. No real job, no relationships, nothing.

Nothing. Just nothing nothing nothing. Endless.

Until next time.

Home, times three

Normally I would start this post with an apology, because (once again) I am sucking it up in the blogosphere. Before I moved to New York and even for the first couple of months after I got here, I was all about my BtoA blog, and I updated at least once every few days. Slowly it slipped into once a week, and then shortly after that, once every ten days. Now it's been a full 13 days. Instead of apologizing, however, I'm here to say that I'm actually really happy about it. I'm not sorry, because the significant lack of blogging has been caused by a significant increase in awesome life experiences, which I will of course share with y'all now.

I went home and to Oxford last weekend. It was pretty uneventful. I ate Ajax and Taylor and went out to the new Parrish's and City Grocery. Everything seemed basically the same. It felt weird to be back in the South, riding around in cars and driving and feeling how slow everything really is compared with NY life. While I still miss my parents, going home was a nice reminder that the South is not where I want to be right now. Maybe when I'm older and want to have a family and stuff, but for now I just know NY is where I'm supposed to be.

I started my new job last Monday. It pays, and while for the purposes of office duties I am technically an "editorial intern," my supervisor gave me the okay to put "freelance editorial assistant" on my resume. She told me this on my first day, and it was pretty much an amazing start to a week that would prove to be equally amazing, as far as first weeks go. I got to write, and I have several writing assignments pending. Of course I also do entry level duties like shipping stuff, sorting mail, taking phone calls, and transcribing, but I am doing all these things for money in New York in the worst economy in recent memory, and thus I do them with nothing but joy.

I went to DC this weekend to see A, and it was basically a perfect weekend. The weather was uhmazing, nearly 70 degrees both days and sunny. I had brunch with all his friends, and they're hilarious and tatted up and amazing. We went to the National Museum of American History, which I found surprisingly enjoyable, aside from the nauseating number of tourists. We went to the cherry blossom festival, which was fun but also really touristy, vom. The trees are beautiful though, and we sat by the tidal basin under the blooms and watched ducks as the sun went down. I know, I know. Blablabla TMI.

So gorg

We celebrated my new job Saturday night; he bought us a bottle of champagne (nom nom nom), which we promptly consumed while we watched Twilight (yes, lolz) before heading out to the bar where he works most weekends. PS, Twilight = probs the worst movie ever made, but that didn't stop A from constantly asking questions and sitting on the edge of his seat while Bella's pathetic fate was decided. Lolz best boyf ever? Mayhaps.

I finally feel like things are coming together for me. I have a job that I already love, and even though I still look forward to the day when I'm full-time with benefits, I am learning the value of patience in a terrible economy while in the meantime just doing the best I can professionally. When I left for DC Friday evening and I watched the city disappear in the distance, it dawned on me that I am literally making my dreams come true. I'm not by any means finished with this process, but I am at least through the first and most difficult stage. Since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a writer, and since the first time I came to NYC I knew I was meant to live here. And here I am, getting paid to write and taking the 6 train to work everyday and living in a brownstone walk-up in Harlem. How many people can say they've even attempted what they always dreamed of doing? Not many. I'm in love with my life right now, and I can only be gratious and humbly accept the amazing things I am lucky enough to experience.

Until next time.

Money, home, and some other things

Y'all. I am sorry. Srsly. I remember back in the day when I used to update this blog like every two days or so. It's now been 10 days since my last update. Wtf! I have a couple good excuses, but for the most part I'm just lazy, LBO.

Excuse #1: I started another part-time unpaid internship, my second. I'm blogging in a semi-official capacity now, which is exciting. Please check it out and holla at me. My avatar is, as you may have guessed, Ms. Meg. I have lots of ideas for what I want to do for the site, but I'm not sure I will get to implement them because...

Excuse #2: As some of you saw on fb, I got offered a paying gig with a magazine company. It's still just an internship, and it's only hourly with no benefits BUT it's still money, and it's editorial work. I will be broke as a joke for a while, and my parents will probably still be helping me out a bit, but at least I'm not selling my soul. I will hopefully keep blogging for my second internship in the evenings and on the weekends, but we'll see how that works out.

Excuse #3: I had what can only be called a mini-breakdown this past Sunday night. A spent the weekend with me in NYC, and we had a good time for the most part, and then Sunday night after he left I couldn't sleep, I was hot and couldn't cool off, and I just tossed and turned all night, and every now and then I would randomly break into tears. WTF. I was honestly just feeling depressed because of my joblessness, the long-distance thing with A, strained friendships, and missing my family and home.

I realized I was starting to question all my fundamental beliefs: what had I done so wrong to be so lonely in this big city--to be unemployed--to be longing for something, anything permanent to hold onto? I thought, maybe the universe isn't balanced after all. I have always believed that the universe gives you exactly what you need and leads you down the right path, even if it's not obvious to you that this is happening; but in my sadness over all this ish, I started to doubt it.

The next day I got the e-mail offering me the job. OK, universe. I get it. I'm back. Sorry I was being such a little bitch.

In other news, I might go home for several days/nights next week. I'm really excited. I miss my parents and I miss the South and I miss my cat tha Queen B and I miss cheese dip.

Until next time.

If you can't beat 'em

I've had a change of heart over the past couple of weeks. At the beginning of last week, I was desperate, depressed, and pretty much ready to hang my hat on this whole "moving to New York and getting a job" thing. I really thought there must be something wrong with me, or with the way I'm doing things up here, that's preventing me from getting a job. Then I had din with Z last week and he said something that kind of changed my brain around. He said, "We're in a recession. This time doesn't count. You have to put your dreams on pause."

I hadn't thought about it that way at all, but it's pretty much true. I can't really land my dream job if no one is hiring. It's gotten to the point now where literally every single entry-level journalism position I see on Mediabistro or Ed2010 is freelance, part-time only, or, yes, UNPAID. So I decided that the only thing I can do to battle the monster of a shitty economy is to no longer try to battle it. I'm just going to ride it out. My parents said they would support me for six months. I've been up here nearly two months now, and I've had seven interviews, none of which were for a full-time, salaried position (except for the phone interview I did in December before I got up here), and one of which resulted in an internship. I think I'm not doing too bad.

I say all this because I interviewed at a blogging site today to be an unpaid intern there. I would basically get to blog as much as I wanted about whatever I wanted, and I would get to come into the office for meetings, workshops, etc., I think it would be a great way to get experience, especially since I'm starting to think this whole blog/Web thing is where I want to focus my career, and if no one is going to hire me full-time for another few months (perish the thought), I may as well do something in the meantime.

In other news, I have a cold, and a while ago I took a nap and woke up with half of my nose completely stopped up. BOO.

Until next time.

Fashion weekend

Of all my weekends so far in New York, aside from the one that C was in town, this one was by far the best. Z and I hung out a lot and lolzed a lot. Dear God I'm already boring myself. I'll just stick to highlights.

Yesterday was VDay, my least/favorite holiday ever. I have to admit that a really cheesy part of me likes it, even though I didn't have an SO to share it with, because I think it's great to have a holiday that celebrates a human emotion few of us truly get to share with another person. But mostly I just think it's capitalist bullshit created to sell cards and pink balloons and chocolates to people completely devoid of creativity. If anyone ever gets me a box of chocolates shaped like a heart for VD, it's over. I can buy that shit my damn self the day after VD for 50% off.

Ernywayz, I had an excellent VD. Lolz. I spent the first part of the day shopping; my mom sent me some discount cards for a couple stores, so I got some new skinny jeans and underwear and stuff. I also bought myself lunch at a random diner on the UES, just because I wanted to. I was starving and I really wanted a Diet Coke and a sandwich and some fries. So I got all those things and sat and ate by myself in a restaurant--on Valentine's Day. It was just coincidence that I ate by myself in public in the city for the first time on VD, and I really didn't mind at all. In fact I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I just ate and people-watched and texted people and it was amazing. I felt like a real New Yorker.

That night Z and I went to Fashion Week because a friend of his who works in PR had an extra invite to the Monarchy Collection show. We went, we saw, we shmehed. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a totally cool experience and I'm really glad we went because we got all dressed up and it was just neat to be there. But overall, the show only lasted 20 minutes, and we were surrounded by all the people I hate: paparazzi, people with more cents than sense, and general society bitches. It was cool, and I would love to go to the show of a designer I'm actually somewhat familiar with, but overall I was left thinking: all this pomp and circumstance for fucking clothes? I love clothes, and I love being creative and dressing up and stuff, but I also see homeless people every day on my way to the subway. It's all about perspective I guess.

So after that we had an uhmazing dinner at a thai place in Hell's Kitchen, then went for drinks at a bar a couple blocks away. Then today we prepped Z's living room for painting tomorrow, ate Chinese, and went to a housewarming party for the guy who sold me the chair, who also happens to work part-time blogging for The New Yorker. It was aight; I met some fellow journalists, and realized I am but one of a million tiny unemployed fish in a huge festering sea of joblessness. It made me feel better, actually. Sucks because we're all after the same jobs, but nice to know I'm not alone.

Until next time.

38 days

That's how long I've officially been unemployed in New York. I moved up Dec. 30, and it's now Feb. 6. 1 + 31 + 6 = 38. Sure, I have an internship, but it's unpaid, so as far as the country's unemployment rate is concerned, I continue to give freely of myself. You're welcome.

I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or if I should be doing something differently. I feel like I've applied to pretty much every media-related job I've seen on Mediabistro, Ed2010, and Craigslist--even those that were more administrative and not editorial. I've been on several interviews, and gotten lots of "no"s. Maybe I should be pitching more for freelance work. I don't know. I'm starting to feel the desperation of wanting to have something to celebrate about and continuing to have nothing.

I had a couple interviews Wednesday. One at a national weekly magazine to be an editorial intern for their Web site (it pays, $10/hr!). I think it went really well; everyone was really nice and even people I didn't interview with were nice to me and smiled in the halls. It sounds stupid but getting a good vibe from a place is something I value, because in New York it seems difficult to find a place to work where people actually seem to be happy to work there. I interviewed with three of the staffers there, one of whom told me they hadn't had any other applicants with as much CMS experience as I have. That's good. I just really, really want it. It seemed like a good atmosphere, I would get a ton of production experience, and would also get to do editorial stuff. Positive thoughts!

The other interview was my second one at the gym. It was kind of bizarre and I don't really feel like talking about it in detail, except to say that halfway through the interview, he tried to sell me on a higher-ranking, full-time position. I was like, well, I'm trying to pursue a career in magazines, and I need something to do in the meantime and part-time after I get a day job. It was highly awkward. I was supposed to hear back from them today, but nothing yet. I'll call Monday if I don't hear back this weekend.

I know I need to think positively, and I appreciate any positive thought y'all are willing to give me, but it's a lot harder for me to think positively than it is for everyone else to. This is my life, I'm living it, and only I really know how this feels. I just want so badly to have something to celebrate, to have a reason to get out of bed every morning, to feel fulfilled by what I'm doing here. To feel like moving to New York was for a reason--and not just because it's something I've wanted forever.

For now though, I have to run. I'm filling my brain with projects, and my current project is finding a chair for the corner of my room. So I have a couple to go look at tonight. I'll keep you updated.

Until next time.

A sign of the times, my friends

I just spent 30 to 45 minutes filling out an online application for a job. To be a front desk associate. At a gym.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I am now resorting to shitty hourly jobs in hopes that I will soon be able to pay my own billz, instead of relying on my parents forever and ever. In truth, I picked the gym on purpose because I'm hoping to get a discounted membership out of it, at the very least. When I started my internship last Friday, I got a free week-long pass to the gym, so I went to yoga and abs yesterday, then Pilates earlier tonight. And I feel so much better. I mean, I always knew that physical fitness is a huge part of my happiness/mental competence level, but now that I'm in the city, I'm realizing it even more.

In other news, I'm really liking the internship. It's so different from working at a monthly magazine, where everything is pretty slow and quiet most of the time. Since this is a web site with a total of like four editorial staffers (including two interns) who post five stories per day, things are always bustling. Deadlines always need to be met, stories always need to be written, and blogs always need to be posted. That sentence was very poorly constructed, but you get the jist. It's fast-paced, and I love it. Plus I pitched a blog yesterday and the editors liked it and I created it today. So that made me feel good.

Still job searching though. In the meantime (hopefully if even they will hire me) I'll see you at the gym. Would you like a towel? Lolz.

Until next time.
Majorly yours.