The question is Admiral Ackbar, and the answer is fuck yes

So, apparently this is happening.

This is the shit. I only wish we could have done something this cool while I was at Ole Miss. The closest we got to such a social coup was when we refused to stop drinking in the Grove no matter what "policy" was instituted by the administration, but that was more second nature than anything else. But actually having hundreds of people sign on in support of having a Star Wars character become the next on-field mascot? Fucking. brilliant.

Zachary brought it to my attention yesterday that a few years back there was an Internet meme in which people added incongruous and therefore humorous captions to photos of Ackbar - not unlike the LOLcat meme with which we are all so familiar - based on his well-known "It's a trap!" scene. Lolzmiral Lolzbar. Examples include:

I decided - inspired by my blog idol Una, who recently posted about her own torrid history with school mascots - to make some of my own Ackbar creations, as a display of my undying support for this cause. I brainstormed phrases Ackbar might say from the sidelines as he shouts down bad calls, cheers for good ones and, LBO, stumbles tipsy on whiskey and coke.* Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments.

(Bad call)

 

 (Boring game)

(Bad call)

 (Inappropriately gesturing to the cheerleaders and/or Rebelettes)

(Referencing huge gap in opposing teams defense, obvs)

(Taunting opposing team)

(To Tim Tebow)











*I'm sure it would only be a matter of time before people started openly referring to him as Admiral Drunkbar

The king of Subway, or my first firsthand experience of Yankees fans

So, apparently there's this sport called baseball, and this team called the Yankees, and earlier this week they won this thing called the World Series. And whenever that happens, there's a parade in lower Manhattan called the Ticker Tape Parade where people who work in the office buildings lining Broadway throw paper from their windows onto the street. Um... OK?

I work in Tribeca, so the parade took place literally a block from my office building. When I got off the subway at around nine this morning, there were already mobs of people decked out in blue heading toward Broadway. And I was there, in my bright red coat, walking against the flow of people, just another girl who doesn't give a shit about baseball trying to get to work.

Of course, all this madness happened on the rare occasion that I didn't bring my lunch to work. Usually I give myself enough time in the mornings to make something to eat, so I save money on lunch, since it is undoubtedly the lamest of all the daily meals and not really worth spending money on. But today I slept in a bit. By early afternoon I was a starvin' marvin, and decided it was time to venture out to Subway. The following is a narrative observation of what happened as I waited in line for my sandwich art.

A group of three women, one older and two who appear to be around 20 or 21, walk into the restaurant, empty beer cups in hand. The two younger women - one with blonde hair and one with brunette - remind me of LSU fans, except instead of purple and gold stripper outfits, they are decked out in blue Yankees t-shirts and jackets, bell-bottomed jeans, tennis shoes, and entirely too much eyeliner. For the sake of entertainment value, let's just assume the older woman is their mother.
It is about 1 p.m., and they are all drunk. They stumble through the line of people right in front of me, clearly in search of something not sandwich-related.
"Is this the line for the bathroom?" the brunette girl slurs.
"No," the nice man in front of me says. "The bathroom is out of order, apparently."
The girl bumbles over to the bathroom door, reads the clearly posted "OUT OF ORDER" sign, and yanks (ha!) on the handle to find out for herself if this statement is true. Surprisingly, the door is locked.
"Ughhhh," she says. "Let's go upstairs. Surely they'll let us in the bathroom upstairs."
"Dear," her mother says, "we don't even know if there's a bathroom upstairs. Let's just go."
"But they have to let us go upstairs!" she protests, eyes dutifully clouded over. She makes her way to the stairs and starts to ascend.
A few people ahead of me in line, a man sees all this happening and decides to interject.
"There's not a bathroom upstairs," he says matter-of-factly.
"What?!" she inquires.
"Um, I don't think there's a bathroom upstairs. I think this is the only one, and it's out of order."
"And who are you?" she retorts. "Like the king of Subway or something?!"
With that, she starts to leave with her mom and probable sister tagging along behind. On their way out, the mother turns to the man and garbles, "Sorry about that. Just ignore her."

So, to recap: A drunken mother and her two drunken daughters stumbling around, dressed poorly, wearing too much makeup, talking obnoxiously to strangers, carrying plastic cups formerly filled with alcohol, in search of a restroom.

Just another typical day in the Grove Manhattan???

The Rebs will cry again?

It has just been brought to my attention that the new chancellor at Ole Miss, Dan Jones, actually wants to change the Ole Miss song, "From Dixie With Love," to remove that last part where people chant, "The South will rise again." From the AP story:

"Dan Jones, who became Ole Miss chancellor in July, said he asked the school's band director, David Wilson, to modify the song to support the efforts of the Associated Student Body. He said he has received complaints from alumni that the slogan is offensive.

'The fact is, the phrase 'The South Will Rise Again' is not part of our tradition or spirit, and it is inconsistent with the university's values and what Ole Miss stands for — a great public university with a focus on the future,' Jones said in a phone interview Thursday from the campus in Oxford.

The modified version of the song ends abruptly before the chanting phase starts. It was first played Saturday at Ole Miss's homecoming game against the University of Alabama at Birmingham, but that didn't stop some fans from chanting.

OK, "Dan" - if that's even your real name - I don't know you, but I already don't like you. Here's the thing about being offended: You don't have a right not to be. When I was a student, From Dixie With Love was always one of my favorite parts of the games, and I'm a flaming liberal. For Christ's sake, my best friend is gay, my other best friend is queer (you can ask her yourself - it's an actual gender classification), I listen to the most politically incorrect music that exists and I spend most of my time swimming in a sea of artists, writers and other mushy artsy types. And I always loved hearing the Dixie song at the games, even though I always abstained from the chant because I thought it was ridiculous. Yeah, I guess I was offended, but it's interesting how a nice helping of whiskey helps to soften the sharp edge of the chant's offensiveness. Am I right, y'all? Let's not pretend to be something we're not.

But this is what really struck me, from the same AP story: Earlier this month, the Ole Miss student government passed a resolution suggesting the chant be replaced by the phrase, "To hell with LSU."

Lolz. I mean that is LOLX. Anyone who read my Hautey Toddy column knows how I feel about LSU. It's just so delightfully Ole Miss that they want to officially change the Dixie song to diss LSU at every single game. In the spirit of things, I feel inspired to come up with a few suggested chant replacements to represent what Ole Miss stands for, in Dan Jones' words. Here's a brief list.

We are so drunk right now!

Let's try to win this game!

We'll never win this game!

The Harvard of the South!

I wish I had more Scotch!

At least we'll party soon!

We love black people now!

And now, I want ideas from y'all. Let's celebrate the traditions and the spirit of Ole Miss. Go.