No holes barred and other moments of honesty

Last night I went to dinner at this really hip place in Hell's Kitchen with overpriced seafood and even more overpriced whiskey. It was really delicious, and I was enjoying the company of an old college friend I haven't seen since March, so that was nice; however, the whole experience was made all the brighter by the presence of our server, who was really, really cute.

I never blog about cute boys, so bear with me here because I do have a point. He was tall and fit and had dark curly hair and cute eyes and a sweet smile. I thought he may have been eye-flirting with me, but I always think guys with bouncy eyes are eye-flirting with me. It's also entirely possible that he may have been gay. My gaydar is all fucked up in this city.*

Since I felt that he may have found me just as cute as I found him, I decided to make my affection known. I left him a note on my credit card receipt. I've done this once before, a couple summers ago when I was living in Atlanta and had a really cute waiter, but nothing came of it. And since I'm now taking charge of my life and turning over a new leaf, I see no reason not to put myself out there in every possible way. I really have nothing to lose.

So my note went something like this.

The real thing was a lot more legible. It's hard to try to replicate handwriting on a computer, OK?!

The amazing thing about New York is that there are actually entire venues aimed specifically at helping people find other people they wanted to connect with but for whatever reason could not. I love reading through the missed connections on Craigslist - it's just an endless list of hopeless romantics wanting to feel a real connection with other people. I would love to know if anyone has ever actually met his/her future husband/wife on there. Because that would pretty much make my life.

My friend from college said the one thing that struck him most about New York was that there seemed to be literally endless possibilities. You never know who you will meet, or what you will do, or where the day will take you. I agreed with him, and said that it's one of the things I love most about the city. You might wake up feeling like shit, and then later that night leave a note for your cute waiter who then googles your name and finds out you have a blog on which you wrote about him, then he comments on said blog and tells you he thinks you're cute too with a link to his blog, which you find hilarious and amazing, and then you go on a date and fall in love and have lots of sex and babies.

Or maybe you just made a gay guy feel even better about himself. The universe is full of snark.


*To understand why, see this.

Meglist: The Experiment*

As you may recall, back in October I wrote a Megslist ad for my perfect manpartner, as I envisioned him in a (sigh, non-existent) perfect world. Recently the idea struck me to post that ad in the actual New York Craigslist personals, just to see what sorts of responses I would get. I culled through the 20+ e-mails I received in the few hours my ad was live before it was, tragically and inexplicably, flagged for removal - maybe someone was offended by my hyperbolic use of the word "perfect," or perhaps someone just didn't appreciate the photo I attached of myself - and picked the cream of the crop. Here they are, in all their g(l)ory.

Some of them were astoundingly lazy and noncommittal, for someone taking time out of his busy day to respond to a Craigslist ad from a stranger.

Subject:
I wish I had the time to give a post like yours a decent response...
Body:
...unfortunately, Im recording at the studio now and just wasting some time between sessions... you sound like the type of chick I wouldn't hate (ha)



Some of them were very, um, forward. One person wrote this in response to my demand for a man who knows how to deal with a strong woman.

Subject:
Repsonse: Oh so perfect
Body:
I guess you are asking me to put it in your hiney? Will do.

Some of them preferred the sneak attack method of propositioning me.

Subject:
Re: Great Post
Body:
Great post -- yes, 15% of one's brain power on any subject is too much. I'm fairly sure that I won't meet all of the qualities you seek -- but, possibly enough.

5'10"

160 lbs

48 yr old

white male

lean, muscular body

better bod than most 20 yr olds

shiny salt & pepper hair

been called handsome

urbane

well read

well educated

sense of humor

strong, strong sex drive

dominant in bedroom

love to please

married

discreet, you be too

Some of them had a sense of humor, though, sadly, no understanding of the English language.

Subject:
Perfect man wanted - 23 (East Harlem)
Body:

you live in perfect plays hahahahaha East Harlem

And lastly, one guy expressed his sincere - albeit very wordy and somewhat obtuse - desire to be my sugar daddy.

You appear to be a woman suited for Pluto. I’m not sure if I’m referring to the planet or the Disney character. There is no such thing as the “perfect man” and quite possible you’re referring to what’s perfect for you. Prozac might be a first choice because you seem to need no stimulants and you are a hand full and I don’t even know you yet. On the other side of the ledger, you appear quite funny and simulating without even trying.

I’m an Alfa male who’s smart, successful and even quite good looking but I’m not sure I could handle someone with all you’re pent up energy and wild imagination. Your like an untamed colt and it would be great fun to feed off your energy and help you to experience and delight in all the things your not familiar with. I haven’t offered my genie like self in a long time to someone as playful and acidic as you seem to be. I love mentoring someone like yourself because you’re probably hard to handle at first, then the first kiss makes you all starry eyed and you’d fluster with delight. How refreshing you are not to be spoiled by society and the restrictive mores and taboos they impose upon us.

I too am a free spirit who can do and say almost anything I want because of past success and some intellect. I need a challenge and think you not only would be one but more fun then a barrel of monkeys (even though monkeys smell and I don’t know what makes them fun in a barrel) LOL If your interested in someone beyond the norm who is smart, kind and highly unusual (in a good way) , write back and I promise to make you smile (and even laugh a lot) as long as your not too serious and promise not to fall in love with a stranger who may be beyond your expectation and desires.

PS Can you drive a six speed and do you like to kiss (beyond almost anything else? LOL

Well, sir, yes to the kissing, no to the six speed. I realize that might be a dealbreaker. Luckily this colt doesn't need a car to transport herself, if you know what I mean.

*I apologize for the poor formatting of this post. No matter what I did Blogger would not resize my fonts appropriately. Blogfail.