Monday, October 5, 2009

New York Meglist > Partners > Perfect Man Wanted

I've been thinking a lot about what I want in a manpartner recently. And by a lot I mean I spend probably like 15% of my brain power thinking about it, which is still too much. As a result, I have come up with a list of the qualities I want* in a romantic interest/relationship partner. The list follows. I have dubbed it Megslist. I know, so painfully obvious.

  • Be at least 5'10". I mean this is an absolute minimum. There are too many fucking shorties in this city and I'm over it.
  • A college degree is definitely required.
  • Be extroverted, but not too extroverted. I'm kind of over dating the shy type, and I want someone who is going to entertain me for once.
  • Be funny. Like fucking slap your mama hilarious.
  • For the love of god, don't be pretentious. There are few things I hate more than pretense. Well, aside from when Kant tries to write in iambic pentameter. Yaaaaaawn.
  • On that note, hipsters need not apply.
  • For Christ's sake, I need a man who knows how to handle a strong woman. Let me be dramatic, then tell me when I'm being a huge bitch. Don't be jealous; let me be independent. If I tell you I'm attracted to someone else - maybe even (GASP) a woman - grow a pair and fucking deal with it. Then give me a reason not to care about my attraction to other people, if you know what I'm sayin'.
  • On that same note, know how to put it down. Put. It. Down. The importance of this cannot be overstated.
  • Be kind. Don't treat me like a child, but doing sweet things every so often will certainly be appreciated.
  • Be honest. Don't lie to me, and don't hide things from me.
  • Be ridiculously smart and interested in art and culture. Take me to museums and shows and stuff because you really want to go and not just because you know I want to.
  • Have some sort of creative pursuit.
  • Be a good writer.
  • Delicately straddle that line between asshole and sweetheart: Be cocky, but don't be a douche. Be sweet, but don't be a pussy. It's true - no matter what girls say, they do want a guy who is sort of an asshole. Not one with a totally black heart, but a dark streak is a plus.
  • Eat meat and cheese and stuff. Vegan schmegan. Ha that looks sort of like my name.
  • Try to dance. Even if you can't, your attempts/humor about it will take you very, very far.
  • Know how to dress and have a sense of style.
  • Tattoos are welcomed.
  • However, those with tribal tattoos need not apply.
  • Must like cats and dogs and babies and children. Not because I have any of these things right now, but because - one day - I do want them.
Compensation is extremely generous. Namely, you get to spend time with me. Interested parties should contact me at 555-1234. Yeah, I have the same number as all those people in the movies! So awesome, right?

Also, you will notice that there is no mention of "good-looking" or even "ridiculously good-looking" on this list. I mean, I'm not shallow.

*hope for, in an imaginary world where perfect men exist


  1. Great list! But what if, god forbid, Justin had a tribal tattoo? Are they really a deal breaker?

  2. I think I would be your perfect man, if I wasn't a short vegetarian.