Cupcakes > Panties > Cupcakes? > Panties?!

I got this e-mail from Victoria's Secret recently. It's good to know that whoever comes up with this shit is so intimately (ha) familiar with lingerie consumers - namely, women. I mean, how did they know that I only buy lacy panties if they are packaged to look like delicious baked goods??? It's just creepy.























Sprinkles not included.

New/old Beyoncé

I discovered this Beyoncé song recently. It's always weird to find old music that you've never heard by an artist you love. I think this was released as an extra song on B'Day or something. I love it because it seems incredibly appropriate at this point in my life, and it's hilarious.



I really wish there were an official video for this song, because I'm sure it would be lolz. However, since there isn't, a fan-made mash-up will have to suffice. Oh, Bey, you're so ridonk, and I'm so glad you're in my life.

Cupcakes > Abortion

Jezebel posted this today in remembrance of National Pro-Life Cupcake Day (um, yeah, you read that correctly), and I was literally LOLZing at my desk. I mean, it's just so absurd that I still don't fully believe it's for real. Question: whether you're pro-choice or pro-life, what do cupcakes have to do with it? Oh that's right: fuckin' nothing.

So, according to the people pushing the lifecakes, when someone asks, "Whose birthday is it?," you are supposed to respond: "It's no one's birthday. These cupcakes represent the 50,000,000* children who weren't allowed to be born, who never had a birthday. If you and I were aborted we wouldn't have a birthday party either."

Way to ruin cupcakes, fucktards. In honor of these shitiots, I have come up with a list of other wildly inappropriate messages that can/shouldn't be conveyed via cupcakes.

The Layoff Celebration Cupcake: In honor of all the people who will never get to have promotion cupcakes, because, well, they fucking got fired. Topped with meringue severance checks.

The Guantanamo Bay Celebration Cupcake: In honor of all the maybe/maybe not terrorists who will never enjoy a cupcake, because if they ever had one they would die, since they can now only stomach water(boards), powdered protein and possibly dirt. Topped with sugar Geneva Conventions.

The Marriage Protection Cupcake: In honor of all the gays who will never have cupcakes at their weddings. Topped with disco sticks instead of candles, obvs.

The Gender Equality Cupcake: In honor of all the women who will never make cupcakes for their hubbies, because they are too busy making careers for themselves. Topped with Christina Hendricks.

The Fa Real, Fa Real Murderer Cupcake: In honor of all the people who have actually killed other human beings, are in prison and will thus never again enjoy delicious cupcakes. Topped with marzipan guns.

The Children In Poverty Cupcake: In honor of all the children who eat real cupcakes all the time because their parents can't afford to feed them anything other than McDonald's, Taco Bell and, yes, Entenmann's. Topped with red hots to represent birth control.

Those are just a few ideas. We can keep this going, guys. The possibilities are endless.

*a completely made-up number, y'all

Your girl is lovely, Hubbell

Dear Meghan,

You know I loved you, right? I really loved you. When it was good between us, it was really (pause for emphasis) good. We had something really special, and there were times when I thought you were perfect for me. But it just got way too hard. I just think that when you meet the person you're supposed to end up with, it's not that hard. Things were so hard between us... we've done this breakup thing one too many times, and I just can't do it anymore. I've met someone who's interested in me, and I'm interested in her. We're not "dating." We went on one date, and we'll probably go on another date. But this isn't about her... it's about you and me, and the difficulties we encountered in our relationship. I just don't think I can love you the way I did anymore. I loved you so much, and those memories we shared will always be special to me, and I'll never doubt how much I loved you. But I don't love you, not like that, anymore.

But I don't love you like that anymore
But I don't love you like that
But I don't love you like
But I don't love you
But I don't love
But I don't
But I
But

Love,

J
D
Andrew

Shit out

One of the best things about blogging is the community it creates. I really love writing, but I also love reading new blogs and commenting. I have a list of my favorite blogs over there, to your right and down a bit (that's what she said), but I wanted to plug one of my favorite recurring features on my friend Z's blog: Snippets from IM.

It might be something that is only funny to me and him and the rest of the people he chats with, but I happen to think some of it is pretty hilarious, objectively. Basically he posts particularly memorable/ridic/funny gChat convos he's had. I forgot that we live chatted one of the prez debates between Obama and McCain, back in October. Haaaa.

I'm in there a lot. Try not to be too shocked.

Until next time.