The reason Lady Gaga is an artist and I love her

So, yes, the Telephone video came out last night. It's good. It's really good. I have some problems with it. Namely, that the story in the video has nothing to do with the lyrics of the song - which, LBO, I'm totally willing to overlook based solely on the fact that within the first 60 seconds we see Lady Gaga's shaved vadge - and the over-the-top product placements for Virgin Mobile, PlentyOfFish.com, Diet Coke, Polaroid, etc etc etc, which kind of bothered me, but not enough to make me dislike the video.

However, there is one scene that basically encompasses everything I love about Lady Gaga. Starting at 2:15, we see Lady Gaga, coke can rollers in hair, standing in a common area with a bunch of other prisoners when a lady brawl breaks out. (PS, I basically loved the video from the moment the text "Prison for Bitches" appeared across the screen. Yes. Yes. Yes.) And guesssssss who makes a cameo during said scene.

None other than Stefani Germanotta - Lady Gaga before she was Lady Gaga. I actually mentioned to Zac recently that I wished she would go brown and make a cameo as her old self, or even do an entire performance as her old self, so thanks, universe. When I first watched the video, I wasn't sure it was her, but on a third and fourth run-through, and lots of pausing, I'm 99% sure this is Lady Gaga "dressed up" as her old self, which is sort of a brilliant idea, considering that "Lady Gaga" herself is the result of costume, makeup and the creation of a character, i.e. dressing up.

Hellllllloooo, Stefani.

EDIT: As it turns out, it's Gaga's younger sister Natali making a cameo in the video, not Gaga as her former self. Meh. This makes the video less cool for me; however, I will concede that they look a lot alike and the effect is sort of the same. It still ends up looking like Stefani, and I do wonder if that's what Gaga intended.

Aside from this moment, the video had several brilliant points. A rundown of my favorites:

After we see her blurred naked vadge, the two dyke prison guards walk away and exchange the following words: "I told you she didn't have a dick." "Too bad." BRILLIANT.

Wait, is that the pussy wagon? From Kill Bill?

"You've been a very bad girl. A very, very, bad, BAD girl, Gaga." 'Nuff said.

Bey then feeds Lady Gaga a bite of a honey bun, and Gaga says, mouth full, "Mmmm mmmm, Honey Bey." Yes. Yes. Yes.

All the gays using baguettes and lettuce heads as telephones.

I meeeeeeean. If there's a universe that exists in which this is not fucking hilarious, we should just blow it up.

 Bey wearing yellow and the sunglasses from Paparazzi. I love a throwback.

Yeeeeep. 'Twas in fact the pussy wagon. Dear Quentin, Thanks for being my BFF. Love, Lady Gaga

Considering that I've loved Beyoncé for years and my love for Lady Gaga is tattoo-worthy, this video was basically orgasmic for me. I don't think it was as good as the Bad Romance video, but I also think they're just completely different. Bad Romance is futuristic, inspired by Stanley Kubrick, and very avant-garde; Telephone is sort of a Western, inspired by Quentin Tarantino and Baz Luhrmann, and very tongue-in-cheek. Different strokes for different folks.

But I mean, prison for bitches. Pussy wagon. Gaga dressed as a pussy (cat) dancing around in front of the pussy wagon. Dykes everywhere. Oh, and this bitch and her huge fucking hairbow.

I'd say it was a success.

HLLWN 2009, or the night I walked around New York City in my underwear

Here it is at last - the HLLWN 2009 post. I kind of mislead y'all, having told you I was gonna be Lady Gaga. While that is true, the whole story is that Z went as Freddie Mercury from Queen, so together, we went as Radio Gaga, which, in case you aren't aware, is the Queen song that Lady Gaga's manager named her after. And it's just one more piece of evidence that Lady Gaga is my soulmate, because I grew up listening to and adoring Queen. I went through a big phase in high school where all I listened to was Queen. I sang along in my car with Freddie as he belted out Somebody To Love, Another One Bites The Dust, and the lesser known (but just as amazing) Body Language. Loves it.

Anyway, our costumes were the shit. Z looked just like Freddie. And together, we were the most over-the-top, fabulous and subtly pretentious HLLWN pair in all of NYC. Of couse, we took video of the entire night, and it is by far the best And How NYC video Z has created yet.



We started off the night at our friend's house party in Brooklyn, where an impromptu photo shoot broke out, thanks to the über-talented Jenny Anderson.
























































































We spent a little time at our friend's apartment, then we went upstairs and crashed some other party. I have no idea whose apartment it was or why we thought it was acceptable to barge in and take over their iPod, but we did. We played a few Gaga songs and then scurried away to Sugarland, our favorite gay club in Brooklyn.
















It was there that we saw a 7-foot-tall Cruella Deville, and decided to pose for photos with her/him/it. The night was filled with lots of amazing decisions such as this.












































This is the most New York-ian photo of me ever taken. We're essentially in the basement of this grungy gay club in Brooklyn, it's sort of smoky, there's a brick wall and a discarded/lost umbrella, and I'm dressed as Lady Gaga, who sort of based her career on getting wasted in NYC.






















OK so I'm shamelessly including this photo because I look really skinny in it. Work.
















Next, we left the club and had an impromptu paparazzi shoot in the street. I love this photo.

















And this one. You can kind of see where the back of Z's tank says "Radio Gaga," spelled out in rhinestones, natch.






















Then we headed back to Manhattan, where we closed a bar in the East Village. The whole night, my hair bow kept falling off my head into God knows what kinds of substances on the sidewalk, in the bars and in the subway stations. This is how I felt about it.






















RIP hair bow.






















I feel like I should include this photo, just to prove that I did in fact have a disco stick. I just, you know, walked out of the apartment without it*. Whoops.






















So don't become some background noise,
A backdrop for the girls and boys
Who just don't know or just don't care
And just complain when you're not there,
You had your time, you had the power
You've yet to have your finest hour...

Here's hopin'.

*In my defense, before we left for the night, I spent FOUR HOURS bedazzling that bra, and my brain was dead. That's right, before I Krazy glued all those rhinestones on, it was just a boring black bra. No one can say I'm not dedicated.

HLLWN 2009: The Preview Edition

There are a ton of photos from HLLWN for me to go through, as well as some video Z still has to edit together. But until then, just a little preview.















It's worth noting that soon after this photo was taken, or soon before, or something, a gay guy tried to make out with me. At a gay club. The following song came on, and he pushed me up against the wall and said, "Isn't this song sooo sexXxXxXyyy?!!" Well, yeah, it would be, if I were also a gay man. I forgive him, as I think he must have just been transfixed by the Gaga. I don't even have to make a bluffin' muffin joke right now, because it's just understood.



Pus pus.

Preview: HLLWN 2009

I got something in the mail today. It is a very exciting part of my HLLWN 2009 costume, and I'm here to share it with y'all.























Let Gagaween officially begin.