Wednesday, October 6, 2010

love is a lemon now-and-later


She is thinking about him a lot lately. Waiting for December, wondering again what it will bring, wondering why that month in particular always holds this magical promise for her. Last December she wanted to kill herself. She thinks this one will be better.

Wondering if she will be less pretty or prettier than he remembers, and if his body will feel different under her hands. If they will fall in love or start anew in January. If he will have an apartment full of Bibles and other books she's never read, movies she'd never watch on her own. Wondering if that matters.

She asks, what is love? Is it the way someone makes you feel when he walks through the room where you're sitting on a couch twisting your hair? Is it knowing what he means when he says he's never been much of a poet? Or knowing and not caring if the only writing he's done is your digital exchange. If he's graduated from college, or not. What the fuck is love? It's making her angry, this debate of deserts. She considers that maybe these things keep us from love, not help us find it.

There's this song she likes that always reminds her of him. It goes if you're partial to the night sky, if you're vaguely attracted to rooftops. It's fast and light and bubbly and there is this line in it about martinis and then a line about lemon Now-and-Laters. She thinks, that's what love is. A lemon Now-and-Later. Sour, sweet, timeless. There's no reason this song should remind her of him. She's known him only two days and there was no music. It's a song someone else would have put on a mixtape for her two years ago, but that's not why she likes it.

She'll know she loves him if he tells her a story while they are naked in bed together and it doesn't seem long but she wishes it was.

10 comments:

  1. I hope Decemeber brings everything you want to you! I guess love is like a lemon Now & Later. Definitely timeless.

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  2. Love is an elephant.
    -D

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  3. @Melanie: Thanks much :) December is a weird month for me. It always marks the beginning or end of something.

    @D: Is it? :)

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  4. I loved this but then my own egotism took over and I couldn't even fathom who would ever like a lemon now and later. Orange? Maybe...

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  5. @erin: Hahaha. Actually I wrote a line about how banana now-and-laters are my favorite, but I left it out.

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  6. I hope this is semi autobiographical and about the sailor of many months ago!

    I adore your blog and your writing.

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  7. Another great piece. I love your updates.

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  8. @anon: thanks so much, I really appreciate it. Not so often one gets to be the object of the word "adore."

    @Julene: Thanks lovely :)

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  9. -did i ever tell you you're a fantasic writer?
    :)

    -D

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  10. just found your blog, and the picture with that post really grabbed my attention. it seemed like a really real, really honest photo. then i read the text. it totally took my breath and SERIOUSLY made me feel like i was experiencing it.

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