Cold Ryders Anthem

For about a week now, I've had a nasty cold that traveled from my throat and into my chest before finally taking root in my nasal cavities. Yesterday I had to stop for cough drops on my way to work, and whilst standing in line at the trusty Duane Reade, I was struck by inspiration. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Cold Ryders Anthem - rapped to the tune of, obviously, the Ruff Ryders Anthem by DMX.

Cold Ryders Anthem

Cough!
Drop!
Sneeze it out, get out that snot,
Whoooa,
Nooooo,
That's how cold ryders roll
(Repeat X2)

Sickos wanna sneeze, sickos wanna hack
Then sickos go see doc, sickos want refund/
All I know is pain (cough)
All I feel is rain (snot)
How can I breathe right, with this shit in my face?
I resort to Nyquil, these fliuds move in sinus,
I didn't know what black snot was:
New York pollution, wildest/
My boogerz is with it,
Blow my nose? Shoot a free throw
Into my trash basket,
You fuckin' right I hit it!

What the fuck nose 'gon do, when it runs up on me?
Fuckin' with the wrong bitch, it's no match for mint tea,
I'ma have to show boogerz, how easily I blow boogerz,
Into tissue, or toilet paper, 'cuz my New York ass is broke y'alls/
Nothin' I can't handle,
Break snot up and discharge it,
Ball it up in a hankie/
Just 'cause I can't stand it,
Make some tissue capes, float them onto waste,
Making art of slime? Another day in the life...

Cough!
Drop!
Sneeze it out, get out that snot,
Whoooa,
Nooooo,
That's how cold ryders roll...
(Repeat X2)

Is y'all readers crazy?
Can't believe you made it here,
To the second verse of this, a rap song 'bout a cold/
Nose is acting up again, 'scuse me while I spit and 'choo,
You know I'm tryna push out this shit
(Yeah, I know, I'm pitiful)
That's how illness gets round,
Sickos don't cover mouths,
Spewing germs into air, just don't give a shit man/
Oh, they think it's funny, but they don't know this honey,
It's about to get ugly, when I Dial their face/
Like a motherfucking phone!

Ew, my snot's now green,
Probably an infection, something like Gangrene,
Yeah, I did rhyme "green" with another "grene,"
What? It's my song, and I'll do what I want/
Cuuuhhhh hkkkrrrrrrkk kkkch cccchhhh,
Sorry had some phlegm,
Fuck yo, this shit's gross, like my face is pure ooze,
I'ma grab tissues, it's all about those napkins,
Bitches talkin' Kleenex, but I prefer some Puffs Plus...

Cough!
Drop!
Sneeze it out, get out that snot,
Whoooa,
Nooooo,
That's how cold ryders roll...
(Repeat X2)

I'm not gay, I'm bi-larious!

I'm sick y'all. I don't know what's wrong but I've spent the past two days essentially incapacitated by aches and pains that are inexplicable. On top of that, I just generally feel like shit. So, wah. Yesterday when I was stuck in bed for the majority of the night I watched 30 Rock on Hulu and it made me laugh, which actually hurt quite a bit, but was worth it.

This clip manages to pay homage to my three favorite things: gays, blacks and puns. Enjoy.

Exploring El Barrio

In a monumental effort to avoid making a trip to Ikea to return my defunct bedside lamp, I decided to spend my Saturday afternoon exploring East Harlem. I went down to E 115th and found a new grocery store that's cleaner, more spacious, and cheaper than the one I go to now. I am very excited about this. Also discovered a Duane Reade on 3rd Ave near 115th that is, again, cleaner and more spacious than the Rite Aid I was used to frequenting. All and all, a very successful afternoon for finding new places to run errands.

After a trip to said drug store to get cold meds--I woke up today feeling worse than I have been, which is impressive since I've been feeling pretty bad for about a week and a half now ugh--I was going to just go home, but I really felt like I needed some exercise despite my respiratory issues. So I decided to walk around East Harlem and see what I could see. I walked up 3rd Ave to 125th, which is basically the heart of El Barrio. It's getting more and more gentrified--there's an H&M and Old Navy now--but there's still some cool culture and stuff. The street is lined with vendors selling random shit: "authentic" shea butter from Africa, all kinds of Obama memorabilia, and MLK Jr. stuff. Apparently even though East Harlem is officially Spanish Harlem now, black people still have quite a presence. Which, of course, I couldn't be happier about.

Also, I walked in a couple random stores, including a furniture store that was having a huge closeout sale. There I saw this:

Sign reads: "KIDS' RECLINER $100"

It might just look like a normal recliner in this photo, but don't be fooled. It's kid-sized. It's the smallest, cutest recliner ever made.

In other news, what is my deal with chairs? Strange fetish? Mayhaps. Also, I'm twittering now. Follow me!

Until next time.