Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Cold Ryders Anthem

For about a week now, I've had a nasty cold that traveled from my throat and into my chest before finally taking root in my nasal cavities. Yesterday I had to stop for cough drops on my way to work, and whilst standing in line at the trusty Duane Reade, I was struck by inspiration. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Cold Ryders Anthem - rapped to the tune of, obviously, the Ruff Ryders Anthem by DMX.

Cold Ryders Anthem

Cough!
Drop!
Sneeze it out, get out that snot,
Whoooa,
Nooooo,
That's how cold ryders roll
(Repeat X2)

Sickos wanna sneeze, sickos wanna hack
Then sickos go see doc, sickos want refund/
All I know is pain (cough)
All I feel is rain (snot)
How can I breathe right, with this shit in my face?
I resort to Nyquil, these fliuds move in sinus,
I didn't know what black snot was:
New York pollution, wildest/
My boogerz is with it,
Blow my nose? Shoot a free throw
Into my trash basket,
You fuckin' right I hit it!

What the fuck nose 'gon do, when it runs up on me?
Fuckin' with the wrong bitch, it's no match for mint tea,
I'ma have to show boogerz, how easily I blow boogerz,
Into tissue, or toilet paper, 'cuz my New York ass is broke y'alls/
Nothin' I can't handle,
Break snot up and discharge it,
Ball it up in a hankie/
Just 'cause I can't stand it,
Make some tissue capes, float them onto waste,
Making art of slime? Another day in the life...

Cough!
Drop!
Sneeze it out, get out that snot,
Whoooa,
Nooooo,
That's how cold ryders roll...
(Repeat X2)

Is y'all readers crazy?
Can't believe you made it here,
To the second verse of this, a rap song 'bout a cold/
Nose is acting up again, 'scuse me while I spit and 'choo,
You know I'm tryna push out this shit
(Yeah, I know, I'm pitiful)
That's how illness gets round,
Sickos don't cover mouths,
Spewing germs into air, just don't give a shit man/
Oh, they think it's funny, but they don't know this honey,
It's about to get ugly, when I Dial their face/
Like a motherfucking phone!

Ew, my snot's now green,
Probably an infection, something like Gangrene,
Yeah, I did rhyme "green" with another "grene,"
What? It's my song, and I'll do what I want/
Cuuuhhhh hkkkrrrrrrkk kkkch cccchhhh,
Sorry had some phlegm,
Fuck yo, this shit's gross, like my face is pure ooze,
I'ma grab tissues, it's all about those napkins,
Bitches talkin' Kleenex, but I prefer some Puffs Plus...

Cough!
Drop!
Sneeze it out, get out that snot,
Whoooa,
Nooooo,
That's how cold ryders roll...
(Repeat X2)


7 comments:

  1. This is hilarious! it is pretty much a winter fact that you will catch a cold here.There are just too many opportunities. Thanks for making all us sick people feel a little better. Shout out to Duane Reade!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cough! Drop! So funny!

    Take care of yourself, and I hope your cold is gone soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "I'ma have to show boogerz, how easily I blow boogerz,
    Into tissue, or toilet paper, 'cuz my New York ass is broke y'alls"

    This made me smile...It makes me think of all the people who buy kleenex holders for their bathrooms...because Kleenex boxes are unslightly otherwise?? I don't get it! The box is its own holder. I'm all about taking a roll of TP rather than spending two dollars on a teensy pack of kleenex!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for bringing me back to freshman year of high school. My cheerleading team knew all the lyrics to this song. We thought we were so black.

    ReplyDelete