As I'm sure we allllllllll know by now, in the past week or so there's been a string of bad snowstorms pounding the Mid-Atlantic/Northeast region. DC got hit hard last week, and now the snow has made its way to NYC. I get that people are all like, "OMG WTF IT'S SO MUCH SNOW WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOO!" But that's no* excuse for another phenomenon this ridiculous amount of snow has caused: a group of terrible, half-assed, (s)no(w)-good, horrible snow puns.
Not only is this sort of a popular Internet meme amongst not-so-clever-yet-think-they're-so-fucking-clever 20somethings, but even official news sources (ahem, Washington Post) are also using these puns in their headlines and even polling people to find out what the storm should be called. Unfortunately, their options really blow - nay, they gust - and I'm here to amend that.
Here is my bad list of the terrible puns I've seen, just in the past couple weeks, to describe what is happening with the weather in America.
"Snomgasm" (This. is. the. worst. It sounds like a sneeze.)
"Snowzilla" (Hey y'all: "snow" and "god" don't remotely resemble one another. They don't rhyme. They don't even have the same vowel sound. Badzilla.)
"Snowfecta" (Again: "Tri" vs. "snow." Let's sound them out together. Goooooood. You see where I'm coming from, yes?)
And here is my brainstormy list of snow puns. Prepare to die, Wash Po.
Snowcaine hangover (or "hangsnowver," but that feels a bit forced, no?)
Apocalypse Snow (sorta like the one from the bad list above, but more well thought-out, yes?)
Snowmygod (c/o Jenny Anina)
SNOWMG (Abbrev of Snowmygod, obvs)
You're a blizzard, Flurry
We're off to see the blizzard (the punderful blizzard of blahs)
Firn Gully: The Last Rainsnowrest (Look it up, bitches)
Graupeling with the snowtion
All flurried up with snowhere to go
Snowmena vs. phesnowmena (holler, Kant)
WWSD? (What would Snowbama do?)
Brrrrzie Snowre (What would Snookie do?)
OK, I'm spent. Brain done. Snow more puns. Leave your suggestions in the comments.
☞ DRINK: Best Harlem Bar 2013
13 hours ago