Thursday, February 5, 2009

My life was a movie

For a moment, at least. Normally y'all know how I feel about relationship blogging: I do it, but I keep it to a minimum, because no one gives a shit about my personal wees and woes, LBO. But I have talked about it before, just because it certainly is a part of my life, and sometimes I feel really affected (effected?), and that leaving it out would be leaving out a part of myself . This is def one of those times.

As I told you, A and I decided to take some time apart (OK, we broke up) after I went to DC for the inauguration. A lot of shit went down (again, nonnayobiz) and it was dramatic and exhausting and I was pretty much over it. We didn't talk for a week or so, then I started to feel really angry toward him for the hurt he had caused, and I decided I wanted to tell him about it, for the sake of getting it off my chest and making sure he understood just what he had done wrong and just how badly I was hurt. So we talked on the phone Sunday night, and I told him everything. One of the things I told him was that when I left DC, his behavior showed me he didn't care enough to fight for me: he pretty much put me in a cab and sent me off, and he barely spoke to me that morning, and he wouldn't touch me. He knew he was losing me, and instead of fighting, he just sent me away. That's when something clicked in my head and I was ready to say goodbye to him.

Anywayz I told him all of this and more of the reasons he hurt me, and he said, "If I knew it meant you would give me another chance, I would pack some stuff into a bag and start walking to New York right now." I was like OMGZ, first of all, that's the most dramatic thing I've ever heard, and, second of all, it's bullshit because it's really easy to say something like that when you know I would never ask you to do it. Ever the skeptic, I denied in my brain that he would ever do something like that. So we left that phone conversation right where we had started.

The next day at work I started thinking about things and getting pissed off again, because how dare he say something like that to me when he had no intention of carrying it out? So I IMed him (never a good idea, PS), and confronted him about it. His response was to e-mail me a confirmation for a bus ticket that he had bought earlier that morning to come to NYC Tuesday night. He had bought a ticket without telling me, and was going to show up at my house without telling me; part of me resented the intrusion, but more of me was overwhelmed by the sweetness of the gesture.

I came home from work/happy hour Tuesday night and he was waiting for me on my steps. Of course he was sort of awkward and acting unsure of himself, because he's just sort of that way all the time, and some of my friends still disapprove of my letting him come see me, but I've always wished in my heart that someone would care enough about me to do something like that, and now he's done it.

The human heart is amazing and ridiculous and stupid.

Until next time.

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