38 days

That's how long I've officially been unemployed in New York. I moved up Dec. 30, and it's now Feb. 6. 1 + 31 + 6 = 38. Sure, I have an internship, but it's unpaid, so as far as the country's unemployment rate is concerned, I continue to give freely of myself. You're welcome.

I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or if I should be doing something differently. I feel like I've applied to pretty much every media-related job I've seen on Mediabistro, Ed2010, and Craigslist--even those that were more administrative and not editorial. I've been on several interviews, and gotten lots of "no"s. Maybe I should be pitching more for freelance work. I don't know. I'm starting to feel the desperation of wanting to have something to celebrate about and continuing to have nothing.

I had a couple interviews Wednesday. One at a national weekly magazine to be an editorial intern for their Web site (it pays, $10/hr!). I think it went really well; everyone was really nice and even people I didn't interview with were nice to me and smiled in the halls. It sounds stupid but getting a good vibe from a place is something I value, because in New York it seems difficult to find a place to work where people actually seem to be happy to work there. I interviewed with three of the staffers there, one of whom told me they hadn't had any other applicants with as much CMS experience as I have. That's good. I just really, really want it. It seemed like a good atmosphere, I would get a ton of production experience, and would also get to do editorial stuff. Positive thoughts!

The other interview was my second one at the gym. It was kind of bizarre and I don't really feel like talking about it in detail, except to say that halfway through the interview, he tried to sell me on a higher-ranking, full-time position. I was like, well, I'm trying to pursue a career in magazines, and I need something to do in the meantime and part-time after I get a day job. It was highly awkward. I was supposed to hear back from them today, but nothing yet. I'll call Monday if I don't hear back this weekend.

I know I need to think positively, and I appreciate any positive thought y'all are willing to give me, but it's a lot harder for me to think positively than it is for everyone else to. This is my life, I'm living it, and only I really know how this feels. I just want so badly to have something to celebrate, to have a reason to get out of bed every morning, to feel fulfilled by what I'm doing here. To feel like moving to New York was for a reason--and not just because it's something I've wanted forever.

For now though, I have to run. I'm filling my brain with projects, and my current project is finding a chair for the corner of my room. So I have a couple to go look at tonight. I'll keep you updated.

Until next time.