Home sweet home

I'm in Birmingham for a few nights. I have mixed feelings about it. It's obvs really nice to be home and see my momma and my dad and Queen B., and to sleep in my own bed and hear the crickets chirping at night - I forget how loud they are - and smell the rain. Nothing smells like the South after a good rain.

But being down here brings back a lot of good memories of me and A, ones that are too painful to think about since our recent breakup. We're doing that weird post-breakup thing where we both know we need to be apart, but neither of us is ready slash wants to let the other person go. We keep texting and e-mailing and leaving voicemails and dragging this thang right on out, despite the fact that we broke up more than two weeks ago. Not that two weeks is all that long or anything, it's really not. It just sucks that we both keep leading the other person on when at the end of the day the truth remains: now is not a good time. It's not a good time for me to commit myself to him, and it's not a good time for me to split my life between two cities. It's not a good time for me to be able to trust him. It's just not the right time, which sucks because we still care about each other a lot.

So much that really letting the other person go is something neither of us seems to yet be capable of. Secretly, I'm okay with that. Because I still feel happy when I get a text from him, or when he calls me his girl, or when I hear his voice. Ugh. Turns out love isn't enough to keep a relationship alive. No one tells you that when you're little.

Still, I feel thankful and am trying to focus on the amazing things in my life. My one true love, New York, and my newly budding love for Harlem. My family. My friends. My job. My blog. Summer. Loving myself. Life.

Until next time.