Weeklong Series: Young Love, Part Five

For the last day of the series, I picked a card Jacob got me for one of our anniversaries. We dated for 5+ years, and we celebrated each passing year like we were legit, married adults. It obviously didn't turn out that way, but we spent basically every waking hour - and sometimes, when we were real lucky, sleeping ones as well - together and we were completely in love so it seemed only natural. We bought gifts and cards and had "fancy" dates at our favorite restaurants.

This card had a puppy pile on the front and he drew a heart on the front of the envelope. The words inside are among the most direct ways I've had a person express his feelings to me. They are simple, clear and lovely - as well as being defiantly youthful, hopeful and naive - a great way to sum up the week.

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Hey!
   I gave you this card because I knew the feeling that you would probably get from seeing the picture on the front. It is probably the same feeling I get sometimes from you... but more often I have several feelings of that sincerity and warmth for every single time I really gaze at you. Those feelings, I think, will always be there; I really hope they will. I hope I give you everything you show to me, because you are so rich with emotions that you give. I have been deepening in tenderness to you everyday since I met you. You are a beautiful, warm person to which I would love to eternally hold hands with...

With so much love,
Jacob

Weeklong Series: Young Love, Part Four

The following note was written on receipt paper. For a while Jacob worked at a pet store, so I assume that's where this came from. We often wrote each other notes and stuck them under the windshield wipers before or after school so that we would be surprised after school or band practice - this explains why the paper is so damn wrinkled while most of the notes were folded and nicely kept. He signed his name "Jamob" because we went through a stage where we would rearrange the letters in our full names, thus misspelling them on purpose. I would be "Mebham" or something and he would be "Jamob." Sounds so stupid now, but it was endearing at the time.

When I was home I also found the ticket stubs to a lot of the movies we saw together, and they're pretty amazing because some of them are from films I now rank in my favorite films of all time (The Ring, top 50; Vanilla Sky, top 10) - it's just so cool that I still have this shit. It's really interesting to note how cheap a movie used to be: in 2002 in Alabama, it was 7.50 to get into a movie at night, and 5.50 during the day. Last week, I paid $19 to see Toy Story 3 in 3D in NYC at night, and $12 to see it again in Alabama during the afternoon. NINETEEN DOLLARS. Vom.

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Weeklong Series: Young Love, Part Three

As high school students, our problems were minimal. I went to the magnet school at a public high school, and the two schools shared a campus. Jacob went to the public school, so we only saw each other in the mornings, sometimes at lunch, and after school in band practice (there was only one marching band between the two schools, and Jacob and I were both involved). We were often annoyed by our fellow students, our teachers, and our assignments. We took refuge in each other, acting as listening posts for each other's complaints. We often stood in stark contrast to the bullshit we dealt with on a daily basis, and told each other as much. The following note illustrates the roles we happily played for each other, in addition to perhaps highlighting how seriously we took our wimpy little problems.

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Hey,
    It is the start of third block and I am lonely, tired and hungry. I miss you so dearly during the day. I am almost tired for ninety percent of the day. Working myself like this is no easy task; too much altogether is the burden of school and work. I did not too do so well on the last calculus test. Ms. Helms thought all the grades were so bad as to have us re-work through most of what we learned. I'm still mocked for having an A in that class and bothered constantly for help. Maybe they do not understand how much time I really take to try and understand it all. Every night I spend about 15 minutes on at least thinking over every theorum, law and lesson. About 45 minutes more simply doing homework, and I still rarely finish it all. I know I don't spent a large amount of time on it, but the time spent is time I'd rather be sleeping or doing a thousand other things. They can take away their time and have the exact same thing and the same understanding as well.
   Anyway, the few comforts I have, I rarely get as much as I'd like of. My greatest comfort in life right now is you... and even then other people find ways to rob that experience; particularly _______. Please do not let her rob our enjoyment.
   The only thing that is really inspiring me academically right now is you. Your work ethic is something that inspires much awe by itself. Some reason, it translates to me and gives me more joy and confidence in myself than you can imagine. In this way, you have done so much to improve my future.
   Right now, I can't stop thinking about how our skin feels together. Sometimes you might be cold, but you are ALWAYS warm to me. Wrapping you and myself up in a blanket and just laying and breathing together - that would be nice. I hope for the day that I can watch you sleep all night until the moment your beautiful eyes slowly open. Meghan Cori Blalock, I will always love you.

Sincerely,
Jacob

Weeklong Series: Young Love, Part Two

Sometimes Jacob wrote me notes just to remind me of how he felt about me, and I did the same for him. These notes especially embody young, enthusiastic, obsessive, emo love at its best. The following note was written during my brief affair with vegetarianism, which was during my sophomore year of high school - so 2001 or 2002. This note was of the rare typed variety, but on the front he hand-wrote a greeting.

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Hey!
   I decided to type you a note for once. Weird isn't it? I just want to convey how much you really mean to me; which I know is impossible to really do, but I'll try, if not, but only for your pleasure.
   First, you are the one person I call a true best friend in my life, and the only person I'd honestly want to be best friends with. I can say that even if I haven't met anyone in existence comfortably because of how wonderful a person you are. You are a person I am trying so hard to be like (with exception to your "no chicken, pork or fish clause"!... just kidding...); I really wish to be a part of you. I still feel no barrier in where I end and you begin.
   And I'm glad that me just looking on to you makes you vocally joyful, although I'll try not to let your "vocal enjoyments" disrupt your flute playing. I hope I can always make you laugh...
   And if someone could stop the rain while it was falling, still drops in air, the beauty of a billion crystal-like still droplets, randomly placed... everyone ordained by God, it would simply remind me of what it's like to look into your eyes....
   You do so much for me, and I have only myself to do for you. You make me so at peace inside myself. It is truly a rare feeling to be calm for me now, with so much going on, but I do not even have to consider the fact that your hug might not bring me at peace.
   I hope this conveys a small portion of what I feel for you...
   With love always
   Your Jacob

Weeklong Series: Young Love, Part One

Last time I was home in Alabama, back in April, I found the shoebox I formerly used to store all the notes my high school boyfriend Jacob - the first boy I fell madly in love with - wrote to me. I sat down and read through all of them, and was touched by their sweetness, youth, innocence, and sincere love. I decided then that I wanted to share them with the world somehow, and I contacted Jacob to ask for his permission to do some sort of project with them. He's married with a child now, and he told me he would probably be slightly embarrassed of what he had written, but gave me his blessing to do with them what I wished. This week, I'll post a new note from him everyday, leaving them mostly unedited. Regrettably, I don't have any notes that I wrote to him, so this coverage will be incredibly unbalanced. But it is what it is.

Most of the notes don't have dates on them, but they were all written between 2001 and 2003, when Jacob graduated, making some of them almost ten years old. We started dating when I was 15 and dated until right after I turned 21. Jacob was really artistic, and on a lot of his notes he would create drawings or write my name in a really cool script. I'll also post here any drawings included on the original notes.

I'm sharing these not to be overly forthcoming with intimate details of my life, but because I think they are such an amazing capsule of young love. I think back on this time of my life with only fondness and some lingering breathlessness, remembering what it felt like to be so enamored with another human being. Although I have loved others since then, nothing quite compares to that experience. The notes also have a tinge of sadness to them, since this relationship, like most things in life, eventually came to an end. But when we were writing to each other, we were unbounded by time, and simply assumed we would feel this way forever.

Jacob and I typically passed notes to each other before school or during lunch, and we read them during class or whenever we had time. The following note is especially amazing to me because it was written long before I decided to go to college at Ole Miss in Oxford.

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Hey!

    I had an interesting first block... We talked about Faulkner a lot and his works. Most of his works intertwine with each other, like one major character in one book might be a minor character in another. He also uses the town of Jefferson in Yoknoptawpha County, Mississippi in a lot of works; Mrs. Frye says that the fictional names are actually Oxford in Lafette County, Mississippi, in real life -- but I don't know how she knows this. Supposively, he played with stream of consciousness too... which is really interesting.
    Anyway, I hope you do well this afternoon! I don't think you'll have any trouble making the [dance] team though... not from what I witnessed anyway.
   I think I hate my Sanish class partially because it's so loud. There is all sorts of talking, annoying voices, a loud teacher than knows little more than Spanish and French. ::sigh::
   I am glad that my classes are the biggest of my worries. But yeah, I'm looking forward to this weekend... Call me after your tryouts are over with and tell me how you did. This is long!
   I love you very very very very very very very very very very much.
   Jacob