Thursday, August 20, 2009

This is your brain on breakup

What have you done? Maybe you're a fucking idiot. A is the perfect man. Short of being gay, he really is the perfect man, which makes him even more perfect because he also happens to like vadge. He's kind, he's thoughtful, he's funny, he's cute, he's in shape. He has a good job, good friends, a good life. He loves his family, really respects women, he's romantic. Remember that time he got you the best gift you ever got from a guy? Valentine's Day? He knows how to take care of himself, a rare quality in men. He is well-groomed. He made mistakes but they were all pretty honest. What are you doing?

Are you making a mistake? Why couldn't it have worked out? What if we had lived in the same city? Maybe you're just scared because he is *too perfect for you, too close to the ideal. Or maybe he's just good on paper guy and you are making the right decision. Why don't you know what you want? Why are you so fucking fickle? BLAHHHHH.

Time will tell. Time will tell. Just be patient and let him go and see what happens after some time passes. It will get better. You will be fine. Calm down. Ugh why do you suck so much? Why are you even focusing on this? Your life in New York is awesome, and you are doing exactly what you moved to this city to do. You have a great job, great friends, a great apartment, supportive family. You have everything you could ever want at age 23. So shut the fuck up and focus on something else. Write. Blog. Focus on your job.

That's it, maybe you're just completely focused on the wrong things. Who cares about boys and being in love and relationships? It's not like you went to school for 16 years so you could start a career in being a good girlfriend. Why do people even want to be in relationships? What's the point? You should just be pouring all your energy into making the life for yourself that you always wanted. Make yourself a writer, editor. Read some good books. Meet a lot of new people. Yeah, you'll be fine. You don't need anyone. Nothing is missing.

But his crooked smile. His eyes. The way he talked with his hands. His voice. His laugh.

Ugh, fucker.

1 comment:

  1. I was in a similar place when I was 23. I'm older now and some of that stuff STILL makes me ask the same questions. My advice (not that you asked): 1. Stay angry--don't let him off the hook so easily. 2. Try really really really hard not to romanticize the past or what could have been. It's a waste of time. 3. Stay focused on NOW.

    Good luck,
    A passerby