Life is absurd

Ever since I studied Albert Camus in high school, I have been a firm believer in the Absurd. It's basically this idea that no matter what you do in your life, you will always be faced with the indifference of the universe staring back at you, and at certain random moments during your life, you will be acutely aware of it. It might sound horribly depressing, and I guess it can be if that's how you choose to deal with it. I choose to laugh when I experience moments of the Absurd. Which is possibly why I might come across as airy or flippant or too light-hearted or whatever.

My friend M sent me this link earlier today. Acknowledging the sinister possibility that this guy actually pushed his girlfriend into the ocean, the distinct possibility also exists that she was literally washed away by a huge wave. What does life mean if you live 22 years, try to be good to the people you know, fall in love, and try your best to do everything right - only to be washed away by a three-foot wave. I mean srsly. The image of her life being literally washed away is so poetic, so philosophically poignant, that it borders on beautiful.

Anyway, I was thinking about all this because it's been a hard week. Someone in my department got laid off. That's the closest to me the broad cuts at the company have gotten, and it's really sad. It's 4:30 on Friday afternoon and still no word about that internship in NYC I got contacted for. They were supposed to make a decision by today, so I assume I didn't get it. A and I e-mailed briefly this morning and now I don't know what the hell to think. I'm reading a really depressing book and I have to review it. I'm constantly tired because I'm not sleeping well. The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show was an incredible let-down, as is Brit's "Circus" video. Bad bad bad.

25 days until NYC. 25 days. Five sets of five days. I saw a guy from high school last night at a restaurant in town and we were talking about goings on in our lives since we haven't seen each other in like four years. I told him I'm moving to NYC at the end of the month and he asked me what I plan to do there. "Oh, I don't know. I'm just moving there. We'll see." It dawned on me then that I am basically moving to the most difficult city in the world during the most difficult time in recent memory. I could be there for months without a full-time job. A year or more even, if the economy doesn't turn up. What the fuck am I doing.

But then I think, this time is the most perfect time to move up. If the universe insists on shoving its Absurdity upon me, I will laugh and shove right back. The economy is bad? The magazine industry is suffering more than ever? Wall Street is faring worse and worse every day? Hah. I'm moving up anyway, biatch. Take that.

Life is Absurd, but life is Good. I try to remind myself of that every day. In the words of B.B. King:

hey everybody, let's have some fun
you only live once
and when you're dead, you're done

Majorly yours.