Every morning, I take the M116 bus across town to the subway station nearest my apartment so I can head downtown for work. Normally, this is not particularly exciting. I board the bus, check tweets from the night, read my New York Times daily e-mail (eh... sometimes), smile at cute little baby children, and generally mind my own business. Today, I was running late. Today, I boarded the 8:28 bus instead of the 8:14 bus. Today, I saw a cute boy wearing a National Champions ring. Yeah, as in like football.
I was sitting in one of the side-facing seats and he was standing right in front of me. He was very nicely dressed - white pinstripe button-up, black necktie, black pinstripe dress pants, black dress shoes. But LBO, I noticed the ring before I noticed anything else. Those things are huge, conspicuous, and really hard to miss, especially when they're right in your face. (WOW THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.) It looked like this.
Except the center stone was green, not blue. I really, really, REALLY wanted to talk to this boy and ask him where he went to school and what year he won the championship. My first intuitive SEC guess was that he played for Florida, since it seems like they've won the National Championships for the past like 09349023 years. But I would guess that if he were in fact a Florida Gator, he would have a blue ring, not a green one, no? And this one was decidedly green. Unless the light was just hitting it in a weird way or something. Meh, I could be wrong.
Help me, readers! Let's crack this case. I'm not trying to figure out who he is like in a creepy stalker way, I just want to know what team he played for. That way next time I'm late for work - which I'm starting to suspect might, ahem, happen more often - I can strike up a conversation with a zinger such as, "You played for the (insert SEC team here) (insert mascot here), huh? (Insert catchy fight slogan here)." Then I'll raise my eyebrow seductively and he'll fall madly in love with me, because I'm beautiful and smart and charming and love football. We'll have a torrid* love affair centered on our mutual use of public transportation: buses, trains, homeless/crazy people, oh my.
Worst case scenario: it's actually a high school ring. Unlikely, but possible. Let's just move forward assuming it's not, OK? OK. Break.
*When I first wrote this, I used the word "sordid," because I always get these fucking words confused! Either applies, really.
SEE: JOAN JONAS EXHIBIT AT GAVIN BROWN
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