Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Victoria's real secret is that she longs for the days when she used to twerk it

So I didn't see the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last night, and as such my post about it is a tad bit late. I apologize, but it's totally forgivable because instead of sitting at home watching my (non-existent) cable TV, I was in the East Village at a vinyl release party for my friend's record label. Better, right?

Well, scrolling through my blog roll this evening, I discovered a clip from last night's show. Sigh. Sigh. And uh triple sigh.

Um, WTF Victoria? I used to live and die for this show every year. I can remember in 2005, when I lived in those shitty ass apartments near campus, C and I made a night of watching it. Meaning we drank, ate chocolate, watched the show, and paraded around my apartment whilst listening to bass-heavy rap music, strutting, and pretending we were walking on glitter. It. Was. The. Shit.

The reason it was so amazing? Two words: Tyra and Banks. Let's do a side by side, shall we? First, the clip I saw from last night's show.

Next, a clip of Tyra walking* the show in 2005, her final walk before retiring from the runway. If you don't feel like watching the whole thing, just fast forward to 1:05.

Now, in the first clip we witness: Heidi Klum making terrible jokes about how she was so fat after her pregnancy and had to lose so much weight (and I know she did not just say "y'all"), Marisa Miller talking about how badly she wants a cupcake (so badly she would like one lobbed at her head), and a skinny white girl trying to dance in what appear to be Styrofoam platform wedge sandals on stage (um, hellllllllll to the no). In the second clip, we observe: Tyra Banks working the runway like it's her goddamn 9 to 5, wind-blown slow-mo hair, and that Snoop Dogg song in which he doesn't at all hide the fact that he's rapping about smoking his best weed ('cuz he got it goin' on).

What can we take away from this?
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show circa 2005: A bajillion points
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show circa 2009: Zero points

*Walking is a very loose term here; other appropriate terms include twerking, working, shredding, dominating, and fucking up


  1. Watching the second video on mute with the Beyonce part of Telephon playing is basically the best thing ever. And yes, that's what I did.

  2. Marisa Miller can't walk to save her life, lol.

    Tyra Banks is the shit, no matter what.
    Why she needed to leave Victoria's Secret is beyond me.

  3. amen, sister! i watched about 4 seconds of the fashion show and all i can say is 'wth!'

  4. Wow, so true. And Tyra's still working it - all business. Luv Heidi, but Marisa Miller just annoys me - and I always think hers must be fake.

  5. Such a good point. I too was disappointed by this years show. Not only was the past energetic, the models actually were healthy and made you want to buy lingerie to look like them. Now, I have the sudden urge to stay clear of those bras if it makes me look as if I haven't eaten in weeks.

  6. i love that show!! mainly because its the one show were models actually freakin smile n dont look starved ! ;-) lol. and i love your blog !

  7. totes agree, love.

    Tyra: she be bangin'.