Thursday, December 10, 2009

New York is sort of annoying me

New York can be a big pain in the ass sometimes. I don't know if it's just because it's winter, and I've been feeling like I want everything to slow down to approximately the pace of maple syrup pouring over the edge of a huge stack of buttermilk pancakes, but lately everything is just bugging me. I want stillness, and quiet, and I want to be able to walk around without (gasp) seeing any people. I guess this means I want the South. This might actually be a little bit of playful teasing on the part of the universe, because I'm going home for like ten days in just over a week, and I am so fucking excited about it.

Things that have been annoying me recently.

1. I bought these new earbuds for my iPhone and for some reason the buds pop out of my ears more easily than the ones Apple makes. And for whatever reason, they also are constantly getting caught on things around me. Other people's bags, buttons on their coats, corners of books, whatever. Anything protruding from other people's bodies - it's likely my earbuds will get caught on it. So when the cords pull the buds out of my ears, I'm left grappling awkwardly to catch them so my whole iPhone doesn't tumble out of my pocket/bag. We've already seen the trauma such events can cause. Solution: Kick out half-to-most of the people in Manhattan.

2. It rained a lot yesterday morning and Manhattan turned into one huge slip-and-slide, except instead of being the funnest fucking thing ever like when you were a kid, you're just hopping over huge puddles and hoping you don't slip and fall in the concrete subway stations and avoiding people's nasty dripping umbrellas on the train and hoping the leaking bus window doesn't burst open under the weight of just a few too many raindrops. Solution: Make a lot of money and take cabs everywhere.

3. People walk too slowly. If you are old or handicapped or something, OK, that's fine. If you are healthy and of a reasonable age, please walk at a normal to absurdly fast pace, like the rest of us. And stopping in the middle of the sidewalk is just unacceptable. Solution: See solution number one.

4. People are fucking inconsiderate. In the South, we are taught to consider other people; and actually, "taught" seems like too strong a word, because it's more deeply ingrained than that - it's just the way people live. If someone is coming through a door behind you, you hold the door open for them. If someone is walking toward a door that you are blocking, you move out of the way, so they may walk through. If someone does something for you - whether they are required to or not - you say "thank you." You make every effort to smile at people you interact with, whether it's your boss or the girl behind the cash register at the drug store, because you just never know what other people are going through. In New York, I still do these things, because I am Southern and that's just what I have always done and will always do; but it is a sadly rare occasion when I see others doing these things for me. Solution: Start raising your kids right, New Yorkers.

5. People walk too quickly. Yeah, you heard me. If you live in Manhattan, you are either walking too slowly or too quickly. Slow the fuck down. I promise, wherever you're going, it's just not that big a deal. Solution: Everyone, everywhere in the city, just stop. Stand perfectly still. And listen.

6.  My apartment is too small and I really miss having a couch and my windows are too big and it makes it hard to hang my Christmas lights, which keep falling down because I can't use the proper hanging utensils because I can't reach because my windows are too big. Solution: See solution number two part one. Spend some of that money to rent a bigger apartment and buy some real furniture and stuff. Also, become an adult.

7. It's loud. All the time. Honking, screeching, yelling, talking, braking, clinging, clanging, halting. Normally, I find all these sounds beautiful. But recently, I just want to yell at everyone to shut the fuck up, which would of course be counterproductive. Solution: Hushhhhhhhhhh.

I just want to get into a car and drive.
I want to see the road in front of me for miles on end.
And while I'm driving, I want to listen to only albums I've never listened to before and would normally never listen to.
Where I would go, I have no idea.
For no apparent reason today I keep recalling the past, very specifically and at random times.
I keep remembering my drive from Birmingham to Oxford, in bizarre flashes.
The bridges I crossed.
The exits I took.
The particular gas station I always stopped at on the way.
I keep remembering the music I would listen to on the drive, back in the day when I actually had a CD changer and CDs to change.
I keep remembering restaurants in Oxford where I used to eat regularly, which was basically all of them.
I keep remembering you, and that's when I want everyone on the streets of New York to disappear.
Because when I think of you I get this huge lump in my throat and I can't breathe and my eyeballs can only contain so much liquid until I suffocate and this goddamn walk home is so long and why is that guy looking at me and please please please everyone just go away.


It's not like the movies
They fed us all little white lies

31 comments:

  1. I have to agree w/your angst about inconsiderateness... Its true, I see it here (Calif.).... here they care about getting from pt. A to pt. B. w/out any regard... It shows in their kids... The kids nowadays are spoiled little shits... I use to work in the schools and I saw it ... and it seems there is more broken marriages that are usually the cause of kids being p.i.t.a.'s its really sad.... And I don't know if u are speaking of a long distance relationship or one that is no longer, I do know when little things bother us, its usually something as simple as missing a loved one that can upset one's world so easily...

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  2. If you live here long enough, you will become a brusque, impolite, overly fast walker who can jump over a puddle in a single bound wearing 5 inch heels. ;-)

    In all seriousness though, these are things that will continue to irritate you about NYC. I will say though that I have seen this city go through some serious shit (9/11, blackouts, etc.), and people at the end of the day are really nice deep down and they do give a crap - just not necessarily running down the subway stairs to catch a train.

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  3. I'm afraid those feelings/rememberances of Oxford never go away. I've been gone for 15 years and I still have the same feelings you expressed. The only solution is to visit as often as humanly possible.

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  4. You are so right!!!! I'm in Phoenix AZ and while it is not as big as NY- I miss NC. People here think you're insane for saying, "Thank You" or "Have a nice day" or heaven forbid you hold a door open!

    My daughter is considered sweet for saying thank you or excuse me!!! Really, where I grew up it wasn't a choice. It was a requirement!

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  5. Wow! I guess that is why the New Yorkers who come here (Atlanta) are shocked to discover that you can live in a sizeable city and still take some time out to "enjoy the view". As much as my NYC friends complain about the slow pace here in the South, there isn't a one of them who is trying to go back home.

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  6. I don't know if you want my help, or need it. Or maybe you have one already. But I am dubbing myself your new official life guide for New York. Also, be prepared to read a short novel because the comment I am about to write will probably be equivalent to one, but it's good advice, I promise you.

    Being a native New Yorker, I know it can be a lot to deal with. I Love it, but nonetheless, it can be overwhelming sometimes. All that buzzing, loud noise, etc. It's the energy. I love this part of the city, is the energy. when you live in the city (you probably know this) you aren't paying for the space of the apartment or anything, if you were rent would be OH so cheap. you are paying for the lifestyle of being able to basically do anything at anytime whenever you want. Enjoy this. Get out and see all those stupid little touristy things, and ge tout to some of the festivals, and just soak in the energy around you. No, like I said, it can be confusing and overwhelmning... even for someone FROM ny. I think i have a simpler solution than the one you suggested.

    Go Upstate. My family has a house upstate and that is where we spend a majority of our time. The pace up there is a lot slower and you can enjoy alot of the nature, and many other things to do. Hudson Valley is where its at. I would suggest visiting www.travelhudsonvalley.org, or just www.hudsonvalley.org just to learn a little bit. But, here are a few sites that I personally think are worth a visit.

    Beacon:

    The Metro North has a stop here, and I think there is a bus from the train station to Main street. Right by the train station on the waterfront is Dia: Beacon. it is a world famous art museum that people come from all over to visit. (www.diabeacon.org). There are a ton of little shops and Restaurants and nice Bars all along main street. There are antiques shops, art galleries, etc, and a lot of historical places that will teach you about the history of beacon. oh, and you can also hike mount beacon, there is the ruins of an old hotel and casino up there and it has a great view. (http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2026645&id=57604436&l=4a53da96c3). There is also this great coffee house (muddycup coffee house) right across the street from the glass factory at the begininng of main street. Right across from the beacon waterfront is the newburgh waterfront where there are a bunch of nightclubs and bars if thats your thing. Oh, and there are a ton of other hiking trails all around the hudson valley (http://bearsystems.com/hiking/hiking.html).

    There are about 5 wineries, and more than that in orchards and farms across the river in Marlboro, but you need a car to get there. Umm, you can either rent a car and spend the weekend, or just go up on a day trip and take the Metro North. Poughkeepsie also has a bunch of things to do and is on the metro north line.

    Albany is aright, but you have to take the amtrak to get there. and then there is lake george, and you need a car to get there.

    Anyways, I hope that helps!

    Also, kind of the mindset of NEw Yorkers... I am not saying they aren't rude... but we just have our mind set on what we have to do and walk around in our own little worlds. Like we are out there with all these people but dont connect to any of them and just walk around inside our heads. It comes off as rude to people who arent from NY, its just the city mindset. People are friendlier upstate.

    Hang in there Girl!

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  7. I love love love your blog!! I must admit a feel a little 'stalker-ish' because I read your whole blog like in 2 days! I know...weird!

    I love your style of writing, and you're truly inspiring me to get the hell out of this shizhole of a town I move somewhere bigger to explore the world and live a little! Amazing!

    Claudia

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  8. Hey!! My name's Naomi Ruvenstrauss, and I'm looking for a blogger who would be willing to interview me for their blog. Would you like to? I can link to your blog in return! Thank you!!
    Oh, by the way, you can email me at BuzzNaomi@Gmail.com. Thanks again!! :)

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  9. Oh. P.S. I am also a little biased because I have been in Iraq for the past six months, so yeah, but I am going to be on a flight headed for New York TONIGHT so YAY!!!!

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  10. Claudia - I can totally relate! I found this blog just a few days ago and absolutely LOVE it! I spent half of my work day yesterday reading it from the beginning. I left off on May 11, 2009 but it was such an awesome distraction from all of the other crap that is going on in my world. It reminds me so much of Sex and the City and I just love it! I love the way you think, I can totally relate to so much of this...and the part about you missing home that you just wrote about, totally put tears in my eyes! Love love love it all!!! :-)

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  11. To all: Thank you so much for your sweet comments. I can't really explain how much it means to me that people 1) read this blog 2) seem to enjoy it and 3) are affected by it enough to cry.

    My mark of a good writer has always been if he or she can make me laugh and cry within the same piece of work. So I guess I'm halfway there, right?

    Thanks again, so much. With love.

    M

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  12. This was definitely a favorite of your posts thus far.

    Yet all I can really muster is an "I feel you" because we all get this way when the chill creeps in...even us natives and pseudo-natives.

    New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down...

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  13. Wanting everyone to go away, and to be left alone and than start blogging about it? Sounds like you are nothing but an attention whore.

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  14. I have never been to NY state before, let alone NYC. How I'd love to go, esp. during this "Season of Lights." It must be beautiful there.

    Best regards, David
    Aloe Vera 101

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  15. Haha, these comments are great. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, so it's like I was reading it before it was "cool" to read it.

    Anyway, great post. It's inspired me to get in my car later and drive around the backroads of Oxford where there are no people. Maybe with windows down and music blaring. We'll have to see.

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  16. I just want to say, that one of the reasons I started following u was because I like your honesty and openness... U say it the way it is... I also see your sensitive side which I am sure all of your contacts here do... You definitely know how to weave a post... U go girl!

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  17. Please whine more about obvious and boring things. These are the most worthwhile writings.

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  18. The problems with New York are really found in most cities now. It's a shame that people forget to really live. Good post.

    ---
    Lavina
    http://www.qualityresearch.org.uk/

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  19. Don't worry, you'll be home soon and everything will quiet down. Keep your head up for just a little bit longer!

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  20. I just found your blog (of note ;D, just like half of these comments), and I like what I've read! I kind of envy some of the things that are annoying you right now; it's so quiet here (North Carolina), I'd love to be in a big city right now.

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  21. This blog is a joke, right?

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  22. Oh damn ! I live in the cold and small Finland where people are cold, mean and ugly. Especially part 4 is how Finns live - by ignoring the other person. Ive always wanted to live in New York and now when I heard its not just us here that are ignorant, I think I lost faith in finding a place to live and where the people are nice :D

    Oh and I just found your blog and I had to check whats in it, cause ive just bought my first Apple and Im using an BlackBerry so I was thinking this would be some techicalsomething- kind of blog :D But nice surprise !

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  23. I really love NY, but I live in CA.
    I adore NY 'cause even tho everything you say is totally true; it has an 'energy' that is undeniable.
    Thanks for sharing!
    I am enjoying catching up on our previous posts.
    Warm Regards,
    Mandy

    www.fairpriceglasspipes.com

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  24. I have lived in NYC for about 10 years. I dont think NYers are impolite. Curt sure, but only when frustrated have I observed people really flipping out. Yes, people can walk too slowly...they are called tourists. =p

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  25. Reading your blog on NY made me think of this song.
    Maybe you heard of it living in NY

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JkBiP7rPt0

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  26. Haha, I'm a native New Yorker, and I miss the city so much. Reading your post actually made me miss home even more surprisingly. I miss the noise and the fast walkers and the rude people and the wet city - Syracuse (especially on campus) is basically the middle of nowhere for me, and I freak out walking home late alone because it's so quiet. I can't wait to be home with rude people and fast walkers and crowded sidewalks. Thanks for this!

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  27. New York City... concrete jungles full of lions snakes and hyenas... gotta love it

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  28. I find reading comments sometimes are more interesting than the blog, but here it is both...smiling at your humor...

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  29. I saw your blog on the Blogs of Note and I really liked it! I'm an Alabama girl too (I live in the middle of Birmingham and Oxford in Moody. :) Love the blog, it's great. You go girl!

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  30. Also saw your blog on Blogs of Note and love it. I'm from Missouri and just finished a degree at a really crowded state university. I always thought living in New York (or any city) would be like a perpetual day on campus; busy, expensive, crowded, and nobody holds the door open for you. You have confirmed my suspicions. Despite this, more power to you for being considerate to others around you! It makes no sense to me why anybody would do otherwise.

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  31. I am actually planning to move to NYC soon. These are some points I have to take into consideration! I've been in the south all my life! Great post. HA! Love it.

    -Trish

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